I have spent the majority of my life pursuing big dreams and clear passions.
My original pursuit of a dream began at a very young age and continued throughout high school. I wanted to be the best gymnast I could be. As high school came to an end, so did my dreams of gymnastics glory. Without missing a beat I moved an old passion from the back-burner and began to pursue it wholeheartedly. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a film actress.
For the past nine years, the pursuit of a career in Hollywood has been my main focus. But in the past three years, after retreating from Los Angeles back to more sane ground, I have had a really difficult time figuring out what my back up plan is supposed to be. Sure I’ve worked on a few films, gone on hundreds of auditions, sent out thousands of headshots, and asked myself millions of character questions...but it is difficult to pursue a career over which you have no control. As millions have learned before me, you can put your heart, soul and life savings into the pursuit of an acting career and come away with only some SAG dues, a few residual checks and a couple of IMDB credits.
The big question: How do I find joy in my day to day life when I don’t get to do the thing that I believe makes me happy? What am I going to do with my life? What’s my new dream? I waited for the epiphany, but it never came. My discontent and frustration grew and I began to get really depressed. I truly felt that the reason I wasn’t happy was because I wasn’t acting. I spent three years lamenting over auditions, waiting for the next call from L.A., pondered moving back to L.A. and all the while I honestly thought that I was trying to be happy.
This summer, I spent three weeks in Paris on my honeymoon and I had the epiphany...though it wasn’t what I had been expecting. The answer came to me on evening in a conversation on the Champs de Mars with my lovely new husband. I recognized that while I am actively pursuing a dream, I feel alive, engaged and simply happy.
The answer is simple: Stay in the present moment and pursue passion every day. Simple, right? Not quite. Simple on vacation in Paris? Yes. Simple upon returning to the grind of every day? Nope! I had the answer in front of me...so why wasn’t I doing something about it?
As the year came to a close, frustration in tact, I began to look around and I was a little embarrassed by what I saw: an unlearned guitar (and harmonica), a barely touched brand new sewing machine, a closet full of clothes I don’t even try to wear, a stack of unstained cookbooks, a mountain of unread books, a list of movies to see (what kind of actress has never seen Casablanca!), the beginnings of cellulite, and an inspiration board that does not reflect my life in any way.
When I asked myself what I’m passionate about, the answers came quickly: acting and theater, photography, travel, fashion and style, films, books, art, health and fitness, home design, writing...
Pursuing the big passions has always been natural to me, pursuing these daily passions, however, is not. I decided to start this blog to chronicle my journey through the pursuit of daily passion, creativity and joy in my life. Because, although Speilberg may call one day, it is not enough to rely on big dreams for happiness. I believe that through the process of creating a passionate life, I will find that happiness within myself. I hope that my journey will inspire others to the pursuit of passion in their own lives.
